Discourteous and Inconsiderate are two words which are often used interchangeably.  And, in truth, it can be difficult to distinguish between them when you are on the receiving end of this “bad” behavior.

Discourteous is impolite, rude, uncivil – it is deliberate behavior.   One chooses to be rude.  Inconsiderate is thoughtless behavior, without due regard for the rights or feeling of others.  Most of what we think of as discourteous is just self-centered lack of consideration.

Telephones are particularly problematic.  They DEMAND your attention.  Just try to ignore a ringing phone.  Allowing a cell phone conversation to distract you while attempting to operate a moving vehicle is inconsiderate.  In fact, most bad cell phone manners are inconsiderate.  Loud phone conversation on the train is inconsiderate.  Stopping to check messages as you’re walking down (or up) a busy staircase is inconsiderate.  On the other hand, stopping to answer a phone while in the middle of a meeting is just plain rude. Sure, if your wife is a week overdue, you get a pass.  But I’ve seen people stop a meeting cold to shoot the breeze with a friend who also should have been working.

Cars are another source of bad behavior.  I’ve seen previously impeccably behaved people become complete jerks once they get behind the wheel. The fellow who cuts you off to pull out into traffic and then proceeds to drive 10 MPH slower than everyone else is inconsiderate.  The fellow who makes a rude gesture to point out your inconsiderate behavior is discourteous.  (You all know exactly what I mean, and who you are.)

How about the guy who after cursing at jay walkers, exits his car and crosses a major avenue against the light directly into traffic?  Now you can rightly call him a jerk, but he is also discourteous, rude.

Line cutting is discourteous, except in the rare instance where someone suddenly realizes he is about to miss a turn.  Then it’s merely inconsiderate.

There are grey areas.  What are people who casually block doorways?  Are the rude or just inconsiderate?  What if they are also smoking?  How about exits on a train.  When the train stops and the doors open, get out of the way!  It’s not all about you.  Is it rude or inconsiderate?  I can tell you that it is very annoying.

Where do you stand when you are waiting for the elevator to arrive?  If you habitually stand right in front of the doors, you are discourteous.  Why, because you should realize that people frequently get off an elevator when the doors open.  It’s not your private car.  On your first elevator ride, it’s excusable. Once in a while it is inconsiderate.  Habitually it is discourtesy.

What of perfectly healthy people who, on a crowded subway, take the seats reserved for the disabled, and are surly about not surrendering the seat to an old woman on crutches or an obviously pregnant woman.   This is discourtesy bordering on unforgivable.

There is a solution.  It’s really not particularly novel:  Follow the golden rule. Every major religion has a version, and every version has the same meaning.  I learned it as “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”  Start today!  You don’t even have to go out of your way.  Just think of how you would feel if someone else should do to you what you are contemplating, and act accordingly.  Before long considerate behavior will become a habit, second nature.  I guarantee you’ll get pleasure out of it, even when it’s not noticed.  Perhaps, especially when it’s not noticed!

Pass it on!